Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Faith—it's just not enough

I am a Catholic in search of a better understanding of God and what he/she is(because who really can say that God is a man, who can say that God is a woman? God could be considered a figment, a being, but God is not a person. But, because I don't want to say GOD every two words, I'll just use G) and what G really means to me in my life. I am a strong believer in G and a higher being. I would hate to think that I am in this world without G's guidence, security, and assistance. I found myself not attending church, however, because I didn't get anything out of it—partly because my priest was Indian and had a strong accent, but also because the messages were so distant to what I felt religion should be. I have three main issues with Catholic religion, the undermining of women, the whole Jesus thing, and acceptance.

My family attends Catholic mass when we're up at our cabin on Ten Mile Lake in MN, and a few weeks ago the priest had the balls to say that the whole issue between Israel and Lebanon and Pakistan and all the other wars in the Middle East had nothing to do with religion or politics. It stemed from a long jealousy between Abraham's wife Sarah and his mistress. Why are women so unworthy of Gs love and understanding in my religion? Why can we not be high servents? I love G but hate thinking that he doesn't love me as much has he loves my male mass-attending friends.

Recently, I've been attending a Lutheran church with my friend, Robin. She is a very old soul and incredibly moral and religious. She brings her Bible to mass, and takes notes. I don't really consider mass a class, but she loves it and thinks that I'm wrong and immoral for not reading the book. I think she wants to save me. Anywhoo...She and I were at mass and the preacher was talking about how Jesus is the way to God. I don't understand what is so wrong with having faith in God without having faith in Jesus. I love Jesus and I believe in his miracles and I believe that he has died so that I can live eternally with God. But, I know that my Muslim and Jewish friends do not belive that Jesus is their saviour, what happens to them? Are they all really damned to hell for all eternity? WTF? My main question is why isn't their faith in God enough to allow them a peaceful afterlife? I just find myself having a very loving and forgiving soul. I feel that I have strong relationship with God, but I feel that our relationship isn't accepted anywhere. I want faith to be enough for me, my gay friends, my friends of other religions, and my fellow women. Is that so wrong?


Blogger Nick Van Dyke said...

It's sounds like you are more agnostic, meaning you believe in A God, not necessarily the one in the Bible, than you are Catholic. It's hard to believe in something more, a higher power or whatnot, and it takes a lot of time to be comfortable with yourself and your thoughts and your beliefs. Don't worry about it though, it'll come to you.

1:14 PM  

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